the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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