my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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