I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Randomize