Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
