mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
