if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
