she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
