i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
