the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He passed out mid-signature
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
