just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
