im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
