ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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