I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize