forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The best revenge is premature balding
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize