I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
