Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize