OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize