Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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