No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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