i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
