STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
