some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
