she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
