i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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