I cannot find my penis.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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