as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
