I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
