I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
