Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
