its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
