He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
