I feel like abortions should bother me more
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
