Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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