So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
