he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
