Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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