Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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