I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My penis needs a shock collar
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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