Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This house was built for laser tag.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
