My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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