do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
