sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
