he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
