Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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