it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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