Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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