She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
