how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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