Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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