My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
