hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
