She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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