Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
