im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
