i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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