my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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