not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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