if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
