He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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