your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
