yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
