Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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