also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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