having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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