i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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