$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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