I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
