just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
