I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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