my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
