We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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