ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
