So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
