hotel room ftw
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
