You really coming over, don't trick.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize