yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
