Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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