he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
