I hope mine doesn't look like that
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
