I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
