im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
