ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
