Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
