Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
