mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
