We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
