left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
