I accidentally burped into my bong.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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