I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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