Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
there's paper in my vomit.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
