Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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